What Do Boys Really Want?

Miz Fiz,
What do boys really look for in a girl?




Miz Fitz (with a "t") does not normally reply to unsigned inquiries, but Miz Fitz is all about making exceptions, even to her own ironclad rules. What do boys want in a girl? That is a very large question with many large answers, and Miz Fitz is disinclined to answer in detail. She will, however, say this: What boys THINK they want is different from what they REALLY want.

What boys think they want

What boys really want

How Much Do Boobs Matter?

Oh wise miz fitz,
How much do boobs matter?
From 32A 


Dearest 32A,
It all depends on your point of view. Recent data, based on interviews with 239 four-month-old infants, produced the following informative bar graph.

As you can see, if you are an infant, boobs are very important indeed! Researchers also found it interesting how important nostrils are to infants. Possibly this is due to them always looking up into them. In any case, the importance of boobs is directly related to how infantile one is.

Inflationary Tendencies

Most Amazing Miz Fitz,

I am normally shy. Everytime I like a guy, he falls for my flirty best friend.  She has the boobs, the butt, and the experience. How can I make a guy fall for me?

From Shyly Jealous

Oh dear! Everyone has a friend like that! Miz Fitz once had a friend named Chloe who was so sexy and irresistible that Miz Fitz felt invisible in her company. For a time, Miz Fitz made do with Chloe's cast-offs, but of course that could not last, as Miz Fitz knows deep inside herself that she is a goddess in her own right, and far too special to play second fiddle to anyone.

Eventually, Chloe's diet of pizza and smoothies got the better of her, causing her waistline to overtake her boobs and butt, and Miz Fitz's modest proportions became comparatively pleasing to observant males. Miz Fitz cannot promise that this will happen to your flirty friend, but it gives one cause for hope. Encourage her to eat. It can only help. Consider the case of the once-svelte Kirstie Allie...

How Girly is Too Girly?

Dear oh wonderous Miz Fitz,
I have a lot of guy friends and they treat me like a guy, but lately I've been dressing more girlyish and they still don't notice me! Am I that ugly that cant look at me as more that "one of the guys"?
Sincerely, Mal


Without seeing how girlishly you have been dressing, one  can only speculate. As much as she appreciates girliness, Miz Fitz believes it is possible to overdo it to a point where boys will be afraid to look at you for fear of overdosing on your pink magnificence.


For another point of view, here is Courtney Conway:

Creative Techniques for Dealing with Unreasonable Parents

Dear Miz Fitz
,   

I am the youngest in my family. I am the only girl and have recently found out that I can’t date till I am 16, as to my older brothers who started dating at my age. Help!


Sincerely, Middle School Lovestruck

Dear Lovestruck,

Researching Crowd Behavior for Psych Class

Miz Fitz believes your problem is one of semantics. When you are forbidden from “dating,” you must call it something else. For example, going to a movie with a boy would be called “studying popular culture.” Going to a party would be “sociology research.” Making out would be “physical education.” Miz Fitz would like to point out that this is not lying, it is simply “reframing the argument.”

How Cute are the Cute Things?

Dear Miz Fitz,

So there's this guy in my school that I liked for 2 years now. This year we became friends, he calls me, we talk a lot, he often stares at me during class! The problem is that every time we do something, and he is the one who proposes to do stuff, he cancels it! And sometimes he ignores me completely! But he always worries when I ignore him and tries to get my attention. When he is working he asks me to go visit him and he makes a lot of cute things, but he can also be a total jerk!  So I don’t really know what he wants does he really like me or he is just messing with my head? What do men have on their mind? Do they have anything on it? My final question is: Should I confess to him? What should I do?!

With respect, Kiki

My Dear Kiki,

You have asked many profound and timeless questions! “Does he really like me or is he just messing with my head?” Possibly both. “What do men have on their minds?” The answers are, in alphabetical order, food, sex, and video games. “Should I confess to him?” No, No, a thousand times No! “What should I do?” Miz Fitz believes that it all depends on the “cute things” he is making for you. How cute are they? If he is making you cute manja drawings of himself, you should forget about him. But if he is making you cute cupcakes, Miz Fitz thinks you should stick around for the sweets.

Getting There

I can’t believe I’m even writing to you!

Miz Fitz, I’m in what feels like my own confusion. My boyfriend just dumped me and the only answer he gave was that he was uninterested in me. What? I’ve heard of being uninterested in things, toys, books, but people? Really? I think the real reason is because I’ve been spending some time with his best friend. We are both on the Dean’s list at my school, they make us stand outside and direct traffic like we’re safety patrols. They feel that we’re responsible enough to do things without anyone watching us. Apparently my ex didn’t think so. Lately his friend has been a super gentleman, picking up my bookbags, walking me to my classes, he won’t even say goodbye without a hug from me. I’m not sure of where to go from here? But I know that there are some feelings toward the friend that I can’t get rid of. Help?

— Undesirable

My Dear Desirable,

Miz Fitz once had a torrid love affair with a handsome, black-clad crossing guard…but that is neither here nor there.

Clearly, your ex-boyfriend lacks the capacity to appreciate you. Uninterested? That is what lazy, unimaginative people say when they choose not to make the effort to understand something. “I’m just not interested in physics, dancing, dubstep, whatever,” is simply shorthand for “I don’t get it.”

Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t get you. What more proof do you need that he is a thoroughly tedious individual? Next time you help him cross the street, direct him into the path of a bus. He will find that to be a most interesting experience.

As for your fellow crossing guard, clearly he gets you. The question is, do you get him?

What's in YOUR Pocket?

Miz Fitz,

I'm really not sure how to put this but I kind of like one of my friends. Luke doesn't go to my school but we text a lot. When I saw him at Honor Choir we hung out a lot and we flirted, but at the concert he avoided me. He has a girlfriend but he has admitted to me that he still likes me and that is why he didn't talk to me. (we met in fifth grade and he liked me then.) He has also told me that he and his girlfriend are having troubles. I don't want to break up his relationship but What do I do?

—Always Single

Dear Single,

You know how some guys like cargo pants no matter how stupid they look? You know how they carry around umpteen things in all those pockets just in case they need to, say, repair a turbocharger or defuse a bomb? Well, some guys have virtual cargo pants where they keep their backup girls, just in case their existing girlfriend doesn’t work out. Those virtual cargo pockets are dark inside, and lonely.

Miz Fitz has been Detained

Miz Fitz apologizes for her recent and prolonged absence for this blog. However, it was not her fault! Miz Fitz was occupied with matters of an Important Personal Nature.

What could be more important than keeping her blog up to date, you ask? Miz Fitz was stalking her ex-boyfriend, whom we shall call Ned, when the feces hit the fan, as it were.

You see, Miz Fitz is a kindly soul who does not want to see her ex-guy fall into the clutches of a shameless hussy, and she happened to be outside his bedroom window checking for same when her faithless ex CALLED THE POLICE ON HER. Can you believe it?

Well, there was Quite a Scene when the police arrived, and through no fault of her own, Miz Fitz was incarcerated in a locked ward at Fairview Hospital where she was poked, prodded, questioned, and forced to ingest various and sundry medications. Miz Fitz was livid, to say the least!

Fortunately, Miz Fitz was able to contact her attorney, and she is now free and back at her desk, ready to provide thoughtful advice on how to handle matters of the heart. And although no one has asked, she is happy to offer this timeless and valuable tip: When the police attempt to detain you, refrain from biting. Police officers, when bitten, can become most unreasonable.