Signs of Love

Dear Miz Fitz,

How do you know a girl is really into you/ in love with you ?

A big fan,

—Peter

Miz Fitz likes this question because it is easy: you will know because she will text you a thousand times a day for no reason whatsoever.

Popeye's Back

Dear Miz Fitz,

My question will always be the same: How can I seduce boys so they'll be in love with me ?

I'm kinda tired of those girl dressed like prostitutes who make the guys fall for them, you know.

Can't I have a boy who will love me back ?

Sincerely,

--Lonely Katy

Dearest Lonely Katy,

Miz Fitz is feeling silly today. Rest assured, this is perfectly normal. So when she read the words “Can’t I have a boy who will love me back?” she immediately thought of Popeye the Sailor Man.

Popeye: Olives, I wants yez t’ love me back!

Olive Oyl: But Popeye, I do love your back! You have a very nice back!

Popeye (frustrated): Not me back, Olives! Love me back th’ way I loves youse!

Olive Oyl: Oh Popeye! My hero!

Miz Fitz then googled “Popeye” and found 13 million images, not one of which showed Popeye from the back. So here is a picture of Popeye from the front.

Now, as for your real question, Miz Fitz would like to point out that it is very easy to seduce a boy. Making him love you is a somewhat more difficult undertaking.

Fashion, Flirting, and Fascination will get a boy’s attention. Earning his love will take Truth, Trust, and Time. Alas, Miz Fitz herself is very good at the three Fs, but she is very bad at the three Ts, so she shares your pain, and spends her lonely hours searching for a picture of Popeye’s back.