Dear Miz Fitz,
My boyfriend is kind, attentive, funny, honest, and extremely hot, but he is a cheapskate. He worries constantly about getting robbed, even though we live in a smallish town where no one has been robbed in like twenty years. He always has money, but he keeps his wallet inside his boxer briefs, which is very inconvenient, not to mention gross. Sometimes I pay for stuff just because I don’t want him sticking his hand down there. How can I get him to change?
Miz Fitz is appalled, although she does approve of boxer briefs in principle. You might try applying a small quantity of pepper spray to the outside of his wallet, which will give urgent new meaning to the term “hot pants.”