Miz Fitz Professes to Know All!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Miz Fitz has been Detained

Miz Fitz apologizes for her recent and prolonged absence for this blog. However, it was not her fault! Miz Fitz was occupied with matters of an Important Personal Nature.

What could be more important than keeping her blog up to date, you ask? Miz Fitz was stalking her ex-boyfriend, whom we shall call Ned, when the feces hit the fan, as it were.

You see, Miz Fitz is a kindly soul who does not want to see her ex-guy fall into the clutches of a shameless hussy, and she happened to be outside his bedroom window checking for same when her faithless ex CALLED THE POLICE ON HER. Can you believe it?

Well, there was Quite a Scene when the police arrived, and through no fault of her own, Miz Fitz was incarcerated in a locked ward at Fairview Hospital where she was poked, prodded, questioned, and forced to ingest various and sundry medications. Miz Fitz was livid, to say the least!

Fortunately, Miz Fitz was able to contact her attorney, and she is now free and back at her desk, ready to provide thoughtful advice on how to handle matters of the heart. And although no one has asked, she is happy to offer this timeless and valuable tip: When the police attempt to detain you, refrain from biting. Police officers, when bitten, can become most unreasonable.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Sexist, Rude, Silly, and Lewd

Dear Miz Fitz,

My mom read your blog and she says you are sexist and rude. She also said that book you recommend, What Boys Really Want, looks silly and lewd. What do you think about that?


Dear Darla,

Your mother is being a typical hysterical woman. If Miz Fitz ever meets her, she will make an obscene gesture and flounce off in a Fitzy huff. Furthermore, What Boys Really Want is vulgar, idiotic fun.

So you see, your mother is technically correct on all counts: Miz Fitz is, in fact, sexist and rude, and the book in question is silly and lewd.

Now…what was your question?