Miz Fitz Professes to Know All!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Fugly Evolution

O wonderful Miz Fitz...

I know this guy who really really likes me. Not to be rude , but he is unkind, ugly, and dumb. There is no way in the world I would like him. This has happened to me in many instances. How can I steer away the nasty and horror guys?

From, Total fugly magnet

Dear Magnet,

Miz Fitz has had several fugly admirers, and she feels your revulsion. However, to put things in perspective, she would like to point out that “fugly” is a subjective concept. For example, a few decades ago, vampires were largely reviled, as in the film Nosferatu, the classic version of the Dracula story.

Now things are different, and we see our vampires in a new light.

Likewise, the original werewolf was not someone you would welcome into your boudoir.

But now….

Fugly becomes fu-hot. Miz Fitz is more concerned about the unkind and unsmart qualities of your admirers. She recommends a Knuckle Blaster stun gun.

Little Reminders

Dear Miz Fitz,

There’s this boy that I sort of had a thing with last year, and I really liked him. Some embarrassing things got between us, and we’ve both acted not very nicely. It’s a new school year though and he’s in 2 of my classes. I am constantly finding little reminders around my house (or just remembering little things he did) of him. When I think of last year, all this sadness crushes me. How do I get over him?


Mama Mia!

Some cats know how to maintain
a happy relationship.
Miz Fitz once had a cat named Yoobiquitous who she loved more than anything in the known universe. One day Miz Fitz forgot to buy cat food, and served Yoobiquitous a delicious medley of canned peas and quinoa. Yoobiquitous turned up his nose at her offering, went to Miz Fitz’s bed, and deposited a fragrant fecal gift upon Miz Fitz’s embroidered silk pillow. Miz Fitz retaliated by screaming bloody murder and throwing a shoe at the cat. From there, things went downhill rapidly. Yoobiquitous took to hiding dead mice in Miz Fitz’s shoes, while Miz Fitz attempted to deal with the problem by attaching bells to the cat’s collar. It was all-out war.

The problem was not resolved until Miz Fitz visited Animal Rescue and came home with a bouncy six-month-old kitten, who she named YooTwo. Appalled, Yoobiquitous to one look at the rambunctious invader and ran off, never to be seen again.

Bottom line: you need a new cat.