I am attracted to boys who do dangerous things. Is that wrong?
Genetically speaking, you are drawn to such boys in hopes that they will return to the cave with a fat, tasty mastodon. Far better to have a danger-loving boyfriend than to perform such hazardous tasks on your own.
—Miz Fitz, who prefers her mastadon rare, but not extinct. Alas.
My English teacher is so hot I can’t hear a word he says, so when he calls on me I’m like, “Huh?” and then I turn all red and stuff. This is a serious problem. I think about him all the time, and I am flunking his class. Help!
Miz Fitz gets a lot of letters about “hot” English teachers, sometimes with photos attached. Ladies, here is some news: Your English teachers are not all that hot.
However, in her tender youth, Miz Fitz once had a seven second crush on Justin Bieber, so she understands the whole irrational fascination thing. As for flunking, you need to hire a tutor. Preferably a cute tutor who is less than twice your age.
—Miz Bieber. I mean, Fitz.
Miz Fitz has a rule against allowing certain offensive words to appear on her blog. Here is the official list of forbidden words: Bilious, Dingle, Knockwurst, Nubble, Purile, Wriggle, Shiznit, Snuck, Vascular, Yoinking.
My boyfriend broke up with me when he heard that I’d been making out with this friend of his (true, but it wasn’t serious), then he called me some really creepy names and stuff, and majorly keyed my mom’s car, and then told my all my friends I was a skanky ho.That was two weeks ago, and now he’s all like, “I’m So Sorry,” and he wants to get back together but my mom won’t let me go out with him until he pays for having her car repainted.What do you think?
—Crazee in Love
Miz Fitz thinks you two should elope and emigrate to Tierra del Fuego, wherever that is.
I am one of those Y-chromosome types you like to rag on, but I have a serious question. Why don’t girls just say what they want instead of beating around the bush? I mean, what is it with all the hints and suggestions and stuff? If you don’t want to watch wrestling on TV again, just say so!
My Dear Y-Chromosomer,
This has been a test of your emotional intelligence. It seems you have failed.
All of Miz Fitz's delightful and informative posts are now displaying out of their proper order, and several seem to be MIA. You can still find many of them on the "Popular Posts" at right, but Miz Fitz is wondering...was it her brief foray into Blogger's "updated interface" that triggered the tragedy? Will this horrific development self-correct? Does this signal the End of Civilization as she knew it? Is blogging dead?
Boys are mostly obsessed with themselves. However, it is true that guys can’t help gawking at cleavage. They like looking at monster trucks, too. That doesn’t mean they want one filling up their driveway.
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. —Dave Barry
So I was getting a ride home from school from this guy and I was rummaging in my bag and I guess a pair of my underwear with poodles on it fell out and I didn’t notice. It’s not like we were doing anything. Then later his mom found them, and now there are Embarrassing Questions. This is totally not my fault!