Miz Fitz Professes to Know All!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Too Many Boys? Buffalo Sex Ratios Provide a Clue!

Miz Fitz,

My class at school is about two thirds boys, but none of them show any interest in going out with me or any of my friends. We're getting really fed up with them. Is there anything we can do except knock some sense into them?

-Fed Up

Dear Fed,

Two-thirds boys?!?!?! Miz Fitz is both impressed and bemused.* So she hacked into the CIA database using a little-known web resource known as “Wikipedia” and discovered that the worldwide sex ratio in 2011 was 984 males born for every 1000 girls. You must live in Boyland. Congratulations! (Or should it be condolences? Miz Fitz thinks boys can be wonderful, but at the same time they can be the most irritating creatures on the planet.)

(Miz Fitz also learned from Wikipedia that buffaloes produce more male offspring when there is a lot of rain. Do you live in a rainy place? Are you a buffalo?)

While it is possible to “knock some sense” into a boy creature (buffalo or human), this usually works only after the boy creature has become besotted** with you. Miz Fitz believes your problem may have to do with the peculiar sex ratio in your school—too many boys can be just as bad as too few. To quote from a book she recently read called What Boys Really Want:

Like dogs, boys travel in packs. It is an ancient defense mechanism, and difficult to overcome. My recommendation is to follow the pack day and night, taking care to remain undercover, until you see him go off on his own. Then pounce.

In other words, break up the pack and corner one of them. Once he is separated from his friends, the boy may become vulnerable to your considerable charms. Good luck!

*Bemused: puzzled, confused, or bewildered.
** Besotted: 1. Strongly infatuated. 2. Drunk.

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