Dear Miz Fitz,My boyfriend loves his car more than me. I wouldn’t mind except it’s a thirty-year-old Toyota. I can’t believe I’m jealous of a Toyota! I’m thinking about pouring sugar in his gas tank. What do you think?
—Second Car
Dear Car,
Destroying his one true love will not improve your situation. He will only go out and buy a thirty-year-old Honda, and you will be worse off than ever. In any case, a boy’s love for his vehicle is not, sadly, something you can change.
Regretfully, Miz Fitz
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