Conan the Barbarian

What he is thinking

Dear Miz Fitz,

This guy Conan called me a “toothsome wench,” so I hit him with my backpack.  He got really upset and said he was just paying me a compliment.  I’m not so sure.  What do you think?

—Anna

Dear Anna,

It is impossible to say whether he meant it as a compliment, an insult, or a simple observation.  However, it is clear that he plays way too many sword and sorcery video games.  Bid the perfidious lewdster farewell.

—The Toothsome Miz Fitz

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

-Dolly Parton