My English teacher is so hot I can’t hear a word he says, so when he calls on me I’m like, “Huh?” and then I turn all red and stuff. This is a serious problem. I think about him all the time, and I am flunking his class. Help!
Miz Fitz gets a lot of letters about “hot” English teachers, sometimes with photos attached. Ladies, here is some news: Your English teachers are not all that hot.
However, in her tender youth, Miz Fitz once had a seven second crush on Justin Bieber, so she understands the whole irrational fascination thing. As for flunking, you need to hire a tutor. Preferably a cute tutor who is less than twice your age.
—Miz Bieber. I mean, Fitz.
Miz Fitz has a rule against allowing certain offensive words to appear on her blog. Here is the official list of forbidden words: Bilious, Dingle, Knockwurst, Nubble, Purile, Wriggle, Shiznit, Snuck, Vascular, Yoinking.
Thank you for your consideration.—Fitz