Dear Miz Fitz,
This guy I don’t like won’t leave me alone. How do you turn a guy off?
—Maid Marian
Dear Maid,
This can be accomplished by using strong body odors, unpleasant noises (speaking endlessly on topics such as chastity, marriage, and Justin Bieber), visual assault (get you ugly), or tactile stimulation (scratching, kicking, biting, etc.) In severe cases, it may be necessary to apply several such techniques simultaneously.
Don't forget to enter Miz Fitz's December contest for a signed hardcover copy of What Boys Really Want. Send Miz Fitz a holiday-related question and you will be entered. (The winner will be chosen at random, so your question doesn't have to be all that good.)
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